Freak!

Correspondence from some deranged freak...

"Jesus man, what did you do to this weed?

I’m on the run through Dallas, I think, fucking Fed’s everywhere, for Christ’s sake man you gotta help…

I took Mona Lisa to that party, remember her? well them, the party as well man. Damn, let me get the facts so you know the truth, so you know what to tell them if this is it, if the Fed’s or whoremongers finally get me. Mona Lisa, I showed you her sister, sexy

looking but with a darker side. And the party, Janice’s birthday, remember her? Janice? Good looking girl with a sweet smile, Jesus man, you taught her for three years, you gotta remember…

Anyways, party was going cold and the men escaped or the mandatory cigarette and male bonding time and I was thinking “Hey guys, you all seem pretty cool, I wanna introduce you to my darling Lisa…” smiles on faces etcetera making me believe this was a good call, and damn she was sexy. Packed like a tightly woven house brick, really, you could have robbed post offices with her like Bonnie and Clyde on a whole new level. But Jesus man, they didn’t take much I swear. Dammit, I took over half and they only had little tokes with the obligatory “Man, this is sweet stuff” and “This doesn’t seem as strong as my normal brand” and shit like this, I thought it was all cool, but it wasn’t. Fuck, it was the beginning of the end for these motherfuckers…

It was moments later when re-joining the party that I started to realise the mistake of my actions. These “cool guys” were all now in a bad way, talking weird shit with their tongues hanging out and eyes almost closed while girlfriends and partners looked at me with accusing eyes knowing that I was the one who fucked them up. Standing there like some fucked up Disney show. “Mummy, why are the gargoyles drooling like that?” If they break out in a song, I swear I’ll be finished. “One toke over the line,” fuck man, I was singing this at a funeral with Sonny only last week as we paid tribute to our late father. Standing there in simple tribute…. (As one we stood. A disjointed gathering of Jesus freaks and assembled weirdo’s that I still like to call family, in the backwater nothingness that I still call home, to witness the passing of one of gods own, my dad, the greatest man I have ever known…. Wherever he is I can wish nothing more than a “Peaceful Journey..” I love you pops, you are all the better things of me….) but these motherfuckers weren’t one toke over, these guys were done, fucked up, their lives invaded and destroyed by things they don’t have the experience or ability to understand and by a man they had never met before, he must surely be the devil in disguise, burn him, burn him, crap man, I’m doomed…

Who the fuck were these guys anyway? I hadn’t met them before, friends and relatives of Janice I think, man, I swear, I don’t even know anymore. Two senior bankers, an Architect, some kind of web design manager, and a post-grad, and I had destroyed them. I prepared for the onrush of accusations, arrival of various government types and trip to Guantanamo Bay where I would undoubtedly face daily beatings and anal rape sessions for what I had done. But no, fuck it, I wasn’t gonna make it easy for these swine. If I stayed it would be all too easy, now was the time to flee, make them work for it, make them chase me…

Quickly finishing my drink I searched out Janice, remember Janice? Fuck man, keep up, and tried to make myself seen enough to save from having to try to join the conversation, the buzzing overtone of which was “girlie” stuff and I was in no mind to try to defend the actions of all men in this group of vicious looking harpies, another day maybe, but right now I was in enough trouble already. My posturing wasn’t working, they didn’t see me. Jesus man, how could they not see me? I accepted my robust size at an early age and dealt with the fact that I could never hide in such situations, maybe they were ignoring me, already having passed sentence on me for what I had done to their menfolk. Fear rising I had to find a plan B. 

After taking an absolute age working out which appendage would be appropriate to use in this oddest of social situations I poked Janice with my finger and blurbed something about “Sorry babe, I gotta go, trains are gonna stop soon…” I have no idea if this was the truth, but as a lie it seemed to work. I got hugs all-round and passing pleasantries while seeing the hate in many eyes that no smile could pretend to hide. Vicious harpies, would they get me when my back was turned? 

Going back to the male group I could see that things were worse. My Disney scene now looked like a bad Madame Tussauds exhibit where someone had turned the heating up way too far. Jesus man, what had I done? After a few quick slaps on back and calls of “Facebook me” I managed to beat my retreat, fleeing into the night…

And here I am, fleeing through Dallas or somewhere, damn, really where am I? Too many people everywhere, I am sure it’s the Fed’s or some whoremonger sent by my ex-wife that’s been waiting patiently for me to fuck up…

There’s footsteps behind me, they are gonna jump me, I know it, I feel it, the feel of fetid breath on my neck, damn. Finally gathering the courage to look I see no one, just some falling leaves. Fuckers, they changed it, they changed the matrix. Well two can play that game, I’m gonna hide in the trees and go all ninja on their asses. “Morpheos, this is Neo, I need a ninjitsu download….” Hmm, that didn’t seem to work. Gonna need to go back to plan A…

There’s a meat waggon rushing in the other direction, blue lights screaming into the night, damn, I hope that’s not for anything I’ve done. Fuckers, lying to me, making me think they were cool guys instead of the normal straights just looking for a touch of rebellion that they turned out to be. Damn freaks, serve them right, take your medicine. Walking with a swagger, forcing myself not to run, that would only make it too easy for them, give them the excuse they need, fuckers…

I have somehow negotiated the weird lighting arrangement that appears to have been imported from Tokyo or somewhere (whilst have some epiphany about anarchy that I will try to remember if I survive this) to try to catch me out, seriously, I’m sure that they are supposed to be there to help me cross the road, or re-enact close encounters of the third kind, don’t these freaks ever that consider someone with my current constitution could have to face this freak show? but this has only led me to some kind of tunnel. Fuckers, they led me here. They knew what I would do, they already knew the route that I would take, have they been leading me all along like a dog for its final injection? damn their preparations. They’re closing in now, time is short, think I’m gonna have to make a run for it…

If this is it, let them know the truth, let them know everything…"